While some of our clients envision a religious ceremony, and choose to invite a very special community leader to sanction their union, many of our clients feel more comfortable inviting a friend or family member to officiate their wedding. We’ve had the pleasure of working with parents, friends, siblings and cousins as the chosen officiant for our clients, and we love the interwoven personal anecdotes, emotion and jokes that always ensue.
If you’ve asked that person to be a part of your day (and try to give them as much lead time as possible!) it can be tough to know what needs to happen next - especially if this is the first wedding they’ve officiated! We recommend carving out time to chat as a group (you + your partner + your officiant), and making sure that you cover three key things:
How do you want to feel during your ceremony?
What do you want to share with your guests?
How do you make sure the ceremony is actually legally binding?!
How do you want to feel?
This can be tough to put your finger on, but it’s a good idea to spend a little time here. Envision the moment that you’re squeezing hands with your partner, and your dear friend or relative is guiding you through your vows and ‘I Do’s.’ This is THE moment! Do you want to laugh? How do you feel about jokes or swearing? Do you want reminders of the commitment you’re making? Do you want it to be short and sweet?
What do you want to share with your guests?
This can be super helpful if your officiant is unsure where to begin - as telling the story of your relationship is a great focal point for a ceremony script. However, are there parts of the story you don’t want them to mention? Are there parts that you don’t want left out? Your officiant may not know all of the different ways in which you and your partner have sacrificed and committed to one another over the years, but those can be beautiful stories to share on this special day. On the flip side, the last thing you want is to feel ‘on edge’ during your ceremony, wondering if your officiant may mention something sensitive or private.
How do you make sure the ceremony is actually legally binding?!
A somewhat important detail ;) And don’t worry, if you’re reading this at the last-minute, you still have time! Four elements will make this official…
Before the ceremony:
The Ordination: Your officiant must be ‘ordained.’ You have a few options here, but we often recommend Universal Life Church online for a quick (same-day) ordination and helpful resources.
During the ceremony:
2. The Witness: One 18+ person present beyond just your officiant. Some states require two witnesses, so it’s always a good idea to check with your county clerk’s office if you are planning an intimate elopement.
3. The Declaration of Intent: "(Name), do you take (Name), to be your wife…’ + the corresponding “I do’s.” This can be written however you want, as the only required phrasing are the actual words of intent “I do.”
The Pronouncement: The moment when your officiant states ‘By the power vested in me, I now pronouce you husband and wife/wife and wife/husband and husband/partners for life, etc)!’
After the ceremony:
4. The Signatures: Ask your planner to allot ~15 minutes for you to sit with your officiant and sign your marriage license (any time after the ceremony). On the paperwork (if your officiant is ordained through the Universal Life Church, your officiant’s title will be "Minister"; the ceremony type is actually "Religious," and the denomination is Non-Denominational." If prompted to provide an address of ministry, your officiant should put their home address. Once this is complete, make sure to return the signed version to your county clerk’s office within 10 days.
Congratulations on inviting a loved one into such a special fold of your wedding day experience. While of course you two will remember that moment forever - so will they!
xoxo Jessica